Xtro 3

Director-Harry Bromley Davenport

Cast-Sal Landi, Andrew Divoff, Karen Moncrieff

Country of Origin-U.S.
 

Distributor - Vinegar Syndrome

Number of Discs - 2

Reviewed by  Bobby Morgan

Date- 03/25/2020

I knew long before I finished watching Xtro 3: Watch the Skies that it would be referred to in my review as “run of the mill at best”. Then as I sat down to actually write the review, I decided to take a short break and research the origins of the expression “run of the mill”. Although I didn’t like Xtro 3 at all, I can grant it a modicum of respect for inspiring me to expand my knowledge, even if that knowledge has nothing to do with Xtro 3.

By the way, the origin of “run of the mill” isn’t mind-blowing, but regardless I found it quite illuminating.

The original Xtro is, in my book (and one day that book will be in print for all to read!), one of the most shamelessly entertaining sci-fi horror B-movies of the 1980’s. It’s the genre’s Caligula, a spectacular train wreck of cinema in which narrative, ambition, and gooey practical effects collide headlong and the resulting catastrophe is so insane that your initial viewing leaves you wondering how it was ever deemed releasable in the first place.

Xtro 3, much like its 1990 predecessor Xtro 2: The Second Encounter, has nothing to do with the original Xtro. I love writing “Xtro”, just FYI. The overturned buffet table that is Xtro 1 was more of an intimate story of marriage and family, with the welcome addition of slime and gore. Critics hated its guts (no surprise), but it gained a following through home video and cable airings (I caught it uncut in the middle of the night on the Sci-Fi Channel in November 2006).

Writer-director Harry Bromley Davenport figured he had a name worth exploiting, even if the original’s story wasn’t one worth developing in further sequels despite an ending that demanded a follow-up made with a larger budget and stronger story control. Xtro 1 was quietly forgotten so the series could be refashioned as generic sci-fi action flicks in the vein of Aliens with greater mass appeal.

I’ve never seen Xtro 3, but I doubt I need to if it’s anything like Xtro 3, which is 97 minutes of pure tedium hamstrung from the start by lousy pacing, stupid and unlikeable characters, a plot that meanders when it should be building momentum, and gore that would barely warrant an R rating even in the mid-90’s.

Robert Culp, who obviously shot his entire part in one day, plays a Marine Corps major who assigns demolitions expert Lt. Kirn (Sal Landi, one of the punk rapists from the exploitation classic Savage Streets) to take a team of fellow grunts to a remote island supposedly abandoned for fifty years to disarm the leftover mines. Along for the ride are military intelligence officer Captain Fetterman (Andrew Divoff) and his comely subordinate Watkins (Karen Moncrieff).

The camouflaged cannon fodder under Kirn’s command include ultra-serious Reilly (David M. Parker), joker Friedman (Jim Hanks, brother of Tom), beefy Hendricks (screenwriter Daryl Haney), and the team’s sole female Banta (Andrea Lauren Herz). Don’t get too attached to any of them because half the team will be dead before you feel the need to take your first bathroom break.

The unearthing of human skeletal remains is the first clue something ain’t right on this island, the second being the sudden appearance of a crazed derelict (Virgil Frye) who is privy to past horrible happenings involving the government that Fetterman has been assigned to sweep under the carpet (with fire and death, naturally). When a mine blast cracks open a concrete bunker, its secret inhabitant – a murderous extraterrestrial visitor who has been the island’s prisoner since the days when we all liked Ike – breaks out and starts out taking out the Marines one at a time.

Now Kirn has two enemies to fight: the killer alien whose existence poses a threat to the human race (and who likes the angry, steroid addict, dude bro freak clone of one of the E.T.’s from Close Encounters of the Third Kind); and Fetterman, the government’s cold-blooded maintenance man who is prepared to kill anyone in his path to keep the alien’s activity covered up for good. Meanwhile, the crazy old man is singing “Old Gray Mare” (she ain’t what she used to be, you know), and did you know that every time a Tom Hanks movie character appears on Robot Chicken, his brother Jim does the voice? If you consider yourself an eagle-eyed viewer, you just might spot a young Martin Starr of Freaks & Geeks/Silicon Valley fame in an opening scene that poorly attempts to spoof 1950’s newsreels.

As the old expression goes, you’ve tried the best, now try the rest, and you can start with Xtro 3. If you watch this movie and think it’s great or at the very least a fun time at the ol’ picture show, then you obviously have never watched a single half-decent flick about heavily-armed soldiers taking on the worst that the darkest reaches of universe has to offer. Xtro 3 is definitely not a good movie, but it’s not a bad one either. It just is. Completely forgettable, which is something you couldn’t say about the original Xtro.

Davenport’s direction, Haney’s script, the acting, the cinematography from Irv Goodnoff (Evilspeak), the rinky-dink soundtrack (credited to someone named “Van Rieben”, but likely the director himself), every component that went into making Xtro 3 look as much like a movie as humanly possible is basic, workmanlike, and unexceptional. It’s a big shoulder shrug of a motion picture, desperate to be loved, but pathetically unable to work for that love.

On the A/V front, Vinegar Syndrome also goes the distance, and their presentation of Xtro 3 is no exception. Scanned and restored in 2K resolution from the original 35mm camera negative, the picture is leaps and bounds above previous home video transfers, offering a textured filmic appearance, a warm color scheme that favors leafy greens and earthy browns, and a healthy and balanced layer of grain. It’s about as good as a movie that is far from being a visual dazzler can look in high definition, but even haters of the flick must be pleased. Baked-in flaws from the original stereo mix creep up occasionally in the English DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 track, but mostly it does its job with the solid sound quality giving the hackneyed dialogue, subpar music score, and uninspired action scenes a smidgen of depth and presence. English subtitles have also been provided.

Harry Bromley Davenport is his usually candid self in the new interview featurette “Winning and Losing” (20 minutes), in which the affable director shares a few interesting stories about making Xtro 3 and admits that while he isn’t crazy about the movie, he’s not ashamed of it either. “Acting Like a Writer” (18 minutes) finds Daryl Haney talking about pulling double duty on Xtro 3 as writer and actor, but not before quickly going over the origins of his career. The extras wrap up with the theatrical trailer in HD, and Vinegar Syndrome has also gifted consumers with a reversible cover art sleeve and a standard-definition DVD copy. 

I never expected Xtro 3: Watch the Skies to be a sci-fi horror masterpiece (which it isn’t), but it doesn’t even work as junky genre schlock (which it should). If Davenport’s second – and to date last - Xtro sequel had been half as lurid and bonkers as the original, it would have been far more enjoyable. The restored picture is excellent, and Vinegar Syndrome has supplied this release with new interviews with the director and writer to make it more appealing to this oddball sci-fi franchise’s miniscule fan base. That’s about as diplomatic as I can be. You’re welcome.