Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas Review

     It's a funny thing to find unexpected gifts to be handed to you out of nowhere, even if those gift hold nothing to be desired for. Last year, you may remember a review I did for Hack Film's awful film Cockhammer. In the week or so after I bashed it with a fury like no other, EurocultAV received various angry responses that included, but weren't limited to, a refusal to work with our site again to thinly veiled threats.

    Noting that, I was astonished when I received a screener copy of the no-budget studio's latest entry to the Strangeville series entitled Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas. The moment I received this I was speechless. I couldn't understand why a studio whose work was so badly panned by us, not to mention after telling us they would no longer work with us, would send us a new screener. It was that moment I had some hope for the film. Did I think it was going to be a low budget masterpiece? Absolutely not. I figured that if the studio was willing to take the time to send us this film there was an off chance they were trying to impress us. It's was entirely possible that actually made a film I could stomach. So... was the film better than Cockhammer? Yes. To my surprise, it was. Unfortunately, that doesn't take much.

    Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas is a story about the aforementioned title characters meeting Santa Clause. It was Nixon's greatest Christmas wish that Santa bring him the best weed ever, and Santa always delivers to good little boys and girls. Unfortunately, while acquiring said magical marijuanna, Santa accidentally grabbed zombie voodoo bud instead. To make matters worse, he smoked it all himself and is now a zombie of the flesh-biting, brain-eating variety. Since being dead is a fairly acceptable reason to not deliver presents himself, Santa asks the retarded duo to do his job for him while drinks excessively and masturbates to tranny porn. To aid the two in their task, Santa gives Hogan a magic ball and Nixon a crotch full of magic crabs. Yeah, those kind of crabs.

    I hope you all know that I'm not making this up.

    Since I said that the movie was a step above it's predecessor, I should probably explain why. The movie wasn't that much better. However, some of the things that annoyed me from last time were either removed(meaning some of my previous criticism may have actually sunk in) or obscured by the bourbon I was drinking(meaning I was drunk). As an example, it seems clear to me that if they didn't fire their previous camera operator, he may have learned to hold a camera still enough to for most, again most, of the scenes. Cockhammer's camera work was perpetrated by someone whose drinking gave him the spins. The acting was a little better, but only just so. The scripting was a little more fun than the last adventure too. You know, if this studio improves their movies this much every movie, in 5 or 6 movies they might actually have something special.

    Whoa, wait a second. Did I just say that? Yeah, but the thing is, and let's be honest with ourselves for a moment, the people who make these movies have a specific target audience who are going to love it no matter what. These people know who they are and they aren't looking for improvement. If you are in that particular niche of people who love an overabundance of drug, shit, and masturbation jokes simply for the sake of, you'll love it. All of the jokes in this movie are intended to gross you out. They're not really intended to be that funny. The jokes themselves seem like they're supposed to be funny simply because they're taboo and tasteless. Santa masturbating to tranny porn is a good example. Why is that funny? I'll assume because it's taboo and edgy to take a beloved icon of so many children and throw tranny porn in the mix. I can't think of any other reason. There are better ways to do this though. In humor, timing is everything.

    I think it's safe to say, this particular movie was not my cup of tea. Again though, it is a great improvement from the last Hack Film outing. Also, it may be your cup of tea. I just don't like shit in my tea.

Score: 1/5